Goodnight^^

-This is my fantasy, my world. 

You can't judge me for whatever I wanted to believe in.

What do I want to confess?

I want to confess everything that I will feel; I am feeling and what I felt during every time.

I will confess things that a fangirl sometimes afraid to reveal.

I will share things and thoughts that my mind wants to share in front of her friends but afraid that her friends might not able to relate on whatever she is saying.

With this blog I will be a free fangirl.

I will be a good story-teller.

I will become your good friend.

Lastly, I will finally be whoever I want to be.

How did I come up to the Idea of having this blog as a FanGirl Confession?

-Well, I am one of those FANGIRLS out there. As a fangirl, I realized things better than anyone else. I know there are some who won’t understand how I felt whenever they try to discriminate and humiliate my fandom. Yes, I am proud of my fandom, I am one of the millions of ELF all over the world, I am not afraid to show it to the world. I become ELF and I regret nothing. Rather than feeling down of all the discrimination that I sometimes got, I find strength to stand proudly because when I am not a fangirl before I am weak, I depend on my friends so much, but being an ELF made me a strong woman. I am currently in my 3 years of being an ELF and counting. Whatever happens to SUPER JUNIOR, I will always be there, and I don’t care how hard it may be all I know is that they taught me how to stand firm and fearless all the time.

But you were never MINE

The feeling of being in the state of jealousy is the one thing I really wanted to avoid.

I don’t know how did I came to this state but all I know is that I hate it that much.

Why can’t I be free from this feeling?

I envy those girls who can be with you whenever you want to be.

I’m jealous of that one girl who can make you laugh, talk non-sense and drink with you.

I want to be with you too.

I want to make you laugh, talk non-sense and even if I can’t drink, I want my first glass of liquor together with you.

I want to show you the most of you: your smile, your laughter, your tears and the feelings that you always wanted to show, that feeling you can say that you are also human.

That feeling you want to be wanted to feel when you think that the world is against you.

I want to be in your side and make you do those things that you were longing to feel free.

I want to hold your hand when anybody else is avoiding you.

I want to give you a hug when you need someone to warm your cold heart.

I want to be the person you always wanting in your life.

I want you to be with me too.

The problem is…

You were never mine.

You never knew I exist.

You never thought of someone as passionate as me.

You never knew how much I am willing to give everything just to be with you.

But…

Even though you don’t know me YET, you will know me soon.

Even if you never thought of me YET, I know you will think of me soon.

Even if you don’t know how much I can sacrifice YET, I know things will pay off soon.

Though you were never mine…

I will not stop loving you.

I will not give-up on you.

I will stay with you.

And I will always care for you no matter how tough things went; I will never let that beat me.

************************************

Jealousy, you’ll die soon.

I will not let you beat me and be the leader of my emotion!

Magical Moment

Isn’t fascinating when you finally found the one happiness that you’ve been searching for in your life? 

That magical moment that brings your life into the fantasy and at the same time in the reality of being a human.

That moment when you find the one and only person who could bring the sunshine in the middle of the storm and stays with you until all is gone.

That moment when you realize that you have all the love that you can get without knowing that just being you brought that love back.

That fantasy that you always want to be in is finally making its way to reach you and become a part of your reality.

That magic you never once believe in will make you believe because of the certain things you wish that came true.

That person you once become enemy that is now your greatest friend.

That magical feeling that you felt when you first fall in love, he might not be the love you want to last but the love that makes you grow.

That magical event that you never hope of coming true is now happening in your life.

That person you always want to meet in person is now with you face to face.

That fantastic place that you never wish to be in there is now letting you enter with the man you always wanted.

And lastly, the final event, that magical moment, that fantastic feeling and that wonderful person are all in one occasion. Your heart, your mind, your soul and your dreams you dedicate in your fantasy is now the foundation of your reality.

Happy Birthday FISHY, LEE DONGHAE

Lee Donghae~ssi,

Happy birthday. I hope you have fun today.

You are as sweet as candy.
Cute as baby.
Lovely as flower.

I've seen you cry, which made me die.
I've seen you hurt, and I felt broke.
I've seen you smile, that made me high.

A man like you is as sincere as the sky.
I can see it through your deep puppy eye.
I have no doubt of you becoming a great man.
The arms you have will not give harm.

You might not know how I love you so.
Not as Bias but as a man I know.
Hope Leeteuk~ssi won't get jealous,
Because he owns me the most.

I'm glad that you came life.
Because of you, we feel alive.

Hope you like the poem I made.
This is the first time and i am glad.
I made it just for you to have.
Because it's your birthday,
the moment that we are all thankful to celebrate.

I thank your Father and Mother because you are here with us together.^^

Love,
@Sharmaine1004

Letter for KIM HEECHUL

To 김희철,

Good day to you.

To be honest, I cannot find the words to say while writing this letter. I don’t know how to start this because my heart is melting. The fact that you are going to leave for a while is an emotional thing for me. I only know you for some time and I felt like I was attached to the entire super junior member. Since 김영운 left, I thought I could handle my emotions well, but I was wrong.

You are one of the reason why super junior continues its journey, aside from your leader, I am also a fan of yours. I find you the opposite of 박정수. But I know you also have this soft side in you. As you said, you are not good at expressing your feelings but your eyes told me the true you. I can see that you are sad, not just sad but much lonely than anybody else. Though words cannot tell, but your eyes speak it.

I finally have the guts to say that you are a must love person. Not just because of your unique personality but because of the real 김희철. The real you is when you update us whenever you tweet.  The real you is when you dance in the beat. The real you is when you sing with all your heart. Lastly, the real you is the man that only you can look as beautiful as anyone else. That is you 김희철.

To cut it short, I wish you good luck. I want you to take care of yourself, you precious 김희철. Stay beautiful as always. And come back, for we, ELF is waiting patiently to see you again. We will pray for super junior to be united again. 김희철, See you again! Fighting!

Love,

Sharmaine