Long Lost...

I have mend my heart and created walls that will block me away from you. I have made my space where I only need myself and not anyone else, most especially you.

I am hearing things, but never flinch; I don't care.
I am seeing someone beside you, but it never stung my eyes; I don't care.
I smell the same scent, but memories never came back; I don't care.

My body numb.
My heart paralyzed.
My feet won't move me to place.

Where will I be?

Falling to Pieces

The only way to survive is not to fight and win but to learn and earn winning.
I am challenging myself to be as competitive as before.
I am trying my very best to be able to win back what's gratefully mine.
I am encouraging myself to know more, have more and work more.
I am...
I am... Trying...
I am... continuing my life that had stop quite some time.
But I...
I don't know how long will I be able to.

Last night, I am stating a fact, asking some questions... only in my mind...
I am afraid that I might hurt the one I have to ask.
I am afraid that someone might cry in front of me saying I am being insensitive again.
But questions are haunting me more and more.
Answers are nowhere to be found.
I am left hanging, working for nothing.

I have lost a life and now regaining it.
But I am constantly falling each time the same untold stories are being kept in where it doesn't belong.

I feel so untrustworthy.
I feel so useless.

Will someone know I am looking for answers?

Will she know I need the story to be told?

Will she not get mad or hurt by my words that is asking?

Will she not accuse me of accusing?

Will...

Once...

I am not the same girl I used to be. Even if I wanted to go back, I just can't.

There are times you really can't be the way you wanted to be. Like the things that you thought would never happen in real life because you are so full with the fantasies of teleplays. Suddenly, you were stung by a bee and then the teleplays you've been watching is now happening in you. There you realize how pathetic your life is.

I was once a princess, all I want will be there in a blink of an eye, then the same figurative speech made its way to get those things gone. All good things in your life came to an end. You suddenly can't figure where or when to start again. Especially, when identity itself lose you. It's hard for you to go wherever you wanted to go. Because honestly, even you don't understand who you really are.

The thought of you that is unable to cry because your eyes are all dried up from all the tragic things happened and yet you can't do anything even if you wanted. It is a shame that you can but you can't because reality ask for more than what you have. It felt like you were being pathetic in your own way because of the reality that keeps on dragging you down.

Sometimes, it's hard to feel the feelings you are not use to but you have to be use to. If hating is a hobby then loving is something you should learn in the hard way. If helping is part of your life then hurting is a hard task for you to do.

Honestly, right now I wanted tears but it's just not making its way to fall.

Fairy-tale

It's been quite a while...
Everything changes from being a princess back to being Cinderella.
The truth is, Forever is an image of the perfect lie.
Forever is one of the foolish thing to believe in.

Makes sense in believing.
Make sense in knowing which one is the best path to take.
I don't know.
I guess I just go with the flow.

Challenges are getting harder.
Long are the days when it was all pleasant.
I think accepting would be the best thing to do.
I think I will just be hoping for another moment to happen.

Gone are the days when you said "I love you."
Replace by the voice that's full of anger.
I am mad too.
But you see, I am still holding a temper.

I am not comparing.
I am just being patient.
Because complaining is just a lazy attitude.
Do the work and the rest will follow.

I still hope.
That soon...
The one I need most...
Will be mine to have.

Geez!

I will not make this one complicated but I just want this one as my vent.

I really need it now. Since the day "it" came in, it was then so obvious that I become useless; my existence, words and actions are all nothing else but noise. Do you see how much attention I want to get from you? Do you find it annoying when I came to you and told you about a story I read or a story I wrote? Do you listen to my everyday worry? How about the feelings I get from what had happen, is happening or will happen? You are with me, you physically show me you're there but it is not the same as it was before.

I am not asking much nor wishing for the times to comeback. What I really need now is your understanding, your communication skills, your instincts and you. I want to be as important as you are to me. Well, it can't be now, since you were too busy talking to everyone, when you don't see me hanging and waiting for you to look my way.

Whenever I try to speak out my mind, you would cut me. Why? Are my words too painful? When I don't say a thing you would also notice me? What? Will you listen if I'll be able to give my comments? No! Of course no! It's obvious. When I am pretending not to care, when I am pretending I don't have any thoughts about the matter, I am just trying to not offend you. Trying not to make unnecessary comments that would make you hate me. Even though, I felt like I am still hurting you.

Sorry. I really didn't know where will I be, because even if I go in the middle I think... I would still piss you off.

Letter to Leader

팍정수,

      마라믹 앙 가비 팍 와라 가 사 타비. ㅎㅎㅎ

      밋 나 키타 솝라. 어머어란 바 디얀 나욘? 왁 가 막파파어란, 와라 코 디얀 파라 아라가안 카.
마라핕 가 나 버마맄, 힌디 나 코 마가팍힌타이. 솝랑 것토 나 키탕 마키타, 아갇 아갇.


      태카, 크마인 카 나 바? 왁 카 막파파거톰, 오캐? 아코, 힌디 나만 아코 나카인 팍가비 에. 카야 오캐 랑 아코. 이카오 다팥 라기 강 나카인, 앝 막파힝아 카 라.


P.S.
       사랑해요! 팍정수! 너무 좋아! 많이 보고 싶어! 부디 답장 주세요 가능한 건강한 오세요.

                                                                                                                  팍겨송 07-04-14

내사랑

나는 그래서 상처가 보여 주지 않겠어 웃으려고 노력한다.

모든 사람들을 말해 주세요.

네가 떠나는을 만나서 매우 기뻤다.

하지만 눈물은 그냥 물러나지 않을 것이다.

고독함은 나를 발견했다.

는 여기에 머무를 것 같은데요.

나는 내가 내 생활을 위하여 앞으로, 인생 너 없이 살 수 없어 맞을 수 없다고 생각했다.

나는 나에 이 메모리 현실로 돌아와 할 기억을 가지고 있다.

Pretty Interesting

I was listening to this song early this morning and something triggered my complicated mind.
Well, the song is a very popular one. Something that people would jokingly use when trying to say something, more like cursing them. If you are curious about the song then you have to read until the end.

Anyway, so the song that I was talking about somehow, I made it connected to the government.
You see, the song was divided two commoners (house pets), middle class (rich pets) and the ancient history animal. (I am giving hint here) So, that said, The thing is commoners are wailing over poverty, how hard life in this country was and the constant increasing of goods. While the the middle class can just go with the flow. Especially, those who has business, they wail but they can still go on. And the ancient history, the government, they muted everything that goes within the four sides of the government's establishments.

My point is. People are waiting, like in the song, waiting to hear the fox. We, are waiting to hear from the government, when would the agony of the people will disappear, if not, when would there be fairness.

NP - The Fox (What does the fox say?) by Ylvis

You!

Yah!!!

You were reading my blog.

Aigoo~

-.-

I am afraid of what might had happen.
I am weak to face tomorrow.
I am killing this time.
Killing my memories.
Killing my senses.
Soon killing myself.

I just had to be, have to be and it must happen.

I guess...

Today is just another fairy-tale...

     Here I am killing my time spending hours of reading. Hoping I would find ease in me. But this war is slowly killing me. How am I suppose to like the reality when all it does is bullying me? How am I suppose to live in fantasy, when happiness is dissolving me? I don't know which fate I would take. The road not taken or the road that had been worn?

     I will create the fantasy that I can both be who I want to be and who I don't. Ironically, I don't know which I really am. Will you know someone who is mentally present but physically absent?

#Random

I am making things in my head...
Losing my way back to you again...
Falling on the ground...
Limbs are apart...
I hit my head hard...
Torn it to pieces...
But still...

The reason why...

     The reason why others get too immature for someone is because they think that being around the circle of other people will make them feel more mature when the truth is they don't really get themselves what they are looking for. What they really get are judgement and those were the things they cannot accept. The truth is, rather than being mature they become narrow-minded.

     Yes, everything, everyone changes, if you can't keep up with it, then you don't belong. Well, changes can be good or bad. But changes doesn't mean forgetting the promises you have pledge to for someone. Maybe that is the reason why other people can't accept changing. Because changing comes with forgetting.

     Therefore, I think we change but we will not forget the things we made a promise to keep. I still believe that promises are always being kept and not being left. We should always remember that promises are suppose to be meant not half meant.