Whatever...

So it's been decided. I see, should I be sad or should I be glad? Tell me, what should be the best feeling that compliments this situation? I have a lot of thoughts in mind about you. I don't know if these thoughts are helpful or quite painful. And I guess I was having this random post again, should I post this to your wall? Maybe no, maybe yes, but either way you'll still sees it somehow. All I wish is that it will reach you.

Some things are very complicated and I don't know which goes first or which would be easier to solve. I guess what makes things complicated is because of how I interpret it. I'm not saying I fail at logic but I'm admitting that sometimes I'm too afraid to know the outcome. I am afraid of accepting the fact that this goes here and that goes somewhere.

I didn't randomly post this to make you confuse for what I was dealing now. All I want is to have at least a simple outlet of these things that I don't understand. I don't need you to solve these for me, but what I need is for you to do great on your duty; the responsibilities that you will soon face. I post this to hide. Hide from the expectations, from the pressure and from my emotions. It might confuse you saying, "What the hell is she up to?" or "What is this stupid crap?"

You can say whatever you wanted to say, you can judge me all you want, but this will never bother me. I'm not blogging for whatever reason I am blogging because I want to express my thoughts not because I wanted to hear your compliments nor your side-comments but just to speak my mind.

Random #1

I had this dream again last night; I had this dream before but forgot to tell you.

It was in a classroom where I was one of Super Junior block mates, it was Korean History subject and Siwon and Donghae were late for lecture. The professor stop when they suddenly enter the homeroom but she and our block mates didn't recognized both Siwon and Donghae and even SuJu. In short I was the only person that knew them. Then came our dismissal, I was called by our professor and asked me who are the two late and the group of men sitting near the windows, and why are they popular. I told her that they are Super Junior the Hallyu star and I'm one of their million fans. She then said, "Ah, I see, that's why there are girls outside. By the way, I'll be leaving them to you, discuss them these <handling me papers> this is your chance." she then wink at me and leave. That time I was glad.

But then they are very busy with their own free time. I was near Donghae so I decided to start from him first since I can't lecture to all of them. Donghae that time was sitting besides me, and we were like a ruler away from each other. 'My, my, so handsome' that's what I thought when he was looking straight at me saying "I already know that." Then I introduce myself, "By the way, I'm Sharmaine..." then he cut me off.”I know you, Sharmaine1004 right?" then I was shock and ask him how did he know, he then took my notebook and said it was written there, so I laughed and told me that he wants to show me something; his drawings. It was really good, like a real artist.

Then we went to the other members, I saw a Eunhyuk and his artwork that looks like him and ask me if I want it. I was about to take it when Leeteuk came and ask why I am still there even if the class had ended, I told him that our professor told me to discuss it to them since they are late, also since I am a fan, I pretty much know you well and I am an Angel by the way; with a smile on my face then I bowed suddenly I felt dizzy so I face straight to the floor. The others didn't help me though Eunhyuk and Sungmin asking if I'm okay then they helped me stand. I told them I'm fine and I am just excited to see Mr. Park up-close.

That time Leeteuk was annoyed saying, "Why did you call me by my surname?!" So I told him I didn't know what kind of honorifics I will use. And again I introduce myself, "My name is Sharmaine..." then this time Heechul cut me saying, "Sharmaine, you are the one who wrote the Letter to Kim Heechul, right?" I told him yes I was the one. Then Donghae added, "That means you're the one who made a poem for my birthday" I nodded. Also Leeteuk said, "So, you're the brave girl who wanted me to her husband or even her boyfriend." I said yes confidently and told them that I am studying very hard to interview them someday and direct a movie where they are the lead actors. They just laughed and gave me souvenirs then we had a mini-photo shoot and they all asked for my e-mail address saying "Let's chat and we'll call you often"

That's the end of the dream and when I woke up I find myself smiling all day long.

I thank you...

This is my B2, Felyn  ♥

She greeted me on 11 my birthday using this fansign, it’s a first that I’d received this kind of greeting from a beloved ELF. I am really thankful that we’ve met each other even though we aren’t yet really seeing each other personally. I love her and we will support our beloved SUPER JUNIOR forever. ♥

~~~~~~~~~~~

Another greeting from another ELF, her name is LJ~unnie(older sister):

**Saeng il chukkha hamnida..

     Saeng il chukkha hamnida..

     Saranghaneun uri-Maineee..

     Saeng il chukkha hamnida!!!*

     May God graces you more bright ideasss… Be happy J

     MALIGAYANG BATI! (Happy greetings!)

     Blessingsss ^^

~~~~~~~~~~~

To All My TAPH (Teuk Angels Philippines),

     Thank you all so much. *smooch*

~~~~~~~~~~~

I may be gotten older but I will always believe that in life sometimes we just need to be childish to understand that we are now an adult. J

This may be too late but it is still the same week after my celebration. J

Goodnight *smooch*

Another Fanboard post

Super Junior Fanboard Title: Waiting (it's a poem I wrote)

~Waiting~

I’ll wait for the day

That you’re 13+2 again;

Better and braver men

While you’re performing.

I’ll wait for the day when you,

Park Jungsu came on the scene

And led the rest with an “AND”,

Not an “END” but an “AND”.

Be back safe and healthy as well,

Kim Heechul, Please never get ill.

No matter how long,

No matter how lonely

Not seeing you two tonight,

When I look up,

We still look for the

Brightest in the sky.

Like what I always said, no matter where we are, we are still under the same sky; the Sapphire Blue Sky.

Be safe and comeback. I’ll be there waiting until the and… We will wait. Fighting!!! Super Juni~~or!!! AJA!!!

By the way, tomorrow is my birthday, September 11, 2012. You are all invited J

http://superjunior.smtown.com/ (under the call sign of Sharmaine)

Goodnight people J