Love can't lie...

There are certain times in life that we are keeping something from someone but is that what we really wanted? Is this our way of ending things? Or we just want to really protect someone to be taken away from us? I don't know whether to have faith and not ask or to be curious at all times.

I was in a situation where I felt like I am being neglected, taken for granted and was being forgotten. I don't know what reason, I don't know what happen, or even the explanation is to hard to understand. But... I am the type who never let go. I will never give up until you told me so. I will stay and hold your hand not until you want me to not stay anymore. I am that person. I am the person who will be by your side even if I feel unwanted but until you say so, that's the time for me to finally move on and see your happiness and freedom. I am that kind of person, I am patient and willing to wait until you came and remind me that you will not come back.

I do cry at times, no many times. I ask a lot of questions, though, answers are nowhere to be found. I think most of the time but it was all wishful thinking. I miss you most of the time but I cannot seem to reach you. I never blame you. In fact, I truly understand you. I will understand you whatever people might say. That is because I love you.

Loving you is the biggest mistake. YES! I totally agree. But it brings me happiness and I hope you feel the same way too. I believed. I am believing. I will believe.

This Time...

Had been long gone and things happen for a reason.

First I got my first official job which I enjoyed very well. I had to interact with lots of people with different personality. It was a fun experienced, though, since it was a first. I may say it had been my turning point.

Second, Congratulations Graduates!
I may not be part of this years graduate but I know I will soon. I will continue on learning with different aspects of life in general, not just inside the four corners of the classroom, but will no sides of the world. I will hop into that stage with pride and honor. For now, I will let these graduates enjoy their diplomas as I continue on surviving and existing in this world.

Third! Who would have expected there is a third topic, though. Well, this is more about my personal life itself. Sounds fun? Yes! Just as this last part is unexpected. Some unexpected things happen in real life too. Like, a knight in shining armor would come and rescue me. More like a fantasy, right? But no. I never expected that at this point in time someone would do such thing. Something that would make your heart flutter and someone that would make you feel special. Very special!

I hope you like this post too.
Thank you for reading this too.

Future?!

It's not about how, when, where or why.
It's not about we but a you and I.
Not about how we stay together.
But how we say goodbye,
When we know that we promise forever.

The futures untold.
This story will never be this bold.

Long Lost...

I have mend my heart and created walls that will block me away from you. I have made my space where I only need myself and not anyone else, most especially you.

I am hearing things, but never flinch; I don't care.
I am seeing someone beside you, but it never stung my eyes; I don't care.
I smell the same scent, but memories never came back; I don't care.

My body numb.
My heart paralyzed.
My feet won't move me to place.

Where will I be?

Falling to Pieces

The only way to survive is not to fight and win but to learn and earn winning.
I am challenging myself to be as competitive as before.
I am trying my very best to be able to win back what's gratefully mine.
I am encouraging myself to know more, have more and work more.
I am...
I am... Trying...
I am... continuing my life that had stop quite some time.
But I...
I don't know how long will I be able to.

Last night, I am stating a fact, asking some questions... only in my mind...
I am afraid that I might hurt the one I have to ask.
I am afraid that someone might cry in front of me saying I am being insensitive again.
But questions are haunting me more and more.
Answers are nowhere to be found.
I am left hanging, working for nothing.

I have lost a life and now regaining it.
But I am constantly falling each time the same untold stories are being kept in where it doesn't belong.

I feel so untrustworthy.
I feel so useless.

Will someone know I am looking for answers?

Will she know I need the story to be told?

Will she not get mad or hurt by my words that is asking?

Will she not accuse me of accusing?

Will...

Once...

I am not the same girl I used to be. Even if I wanted to go back, I just can't.

There are times you really can't be the way you wanted to be. Like the things that you thought would never happen in real life because you are so full with the fantasies of teleplays. Suddenly, you were stung by a bee and then the teleplays you've been watching is now happening in you. There you realize how pathetic your life is.

I was once a princess, all I want will be there in a blink of an eye, then the same figurative speech made its way to get those things gone. All good things in your life came to an end. You suddenly can't figure where or when to start again. Especially, when identity itself lose you. It's hard for you to go wherever you wanted to go. Because honestly, even you don't understand who you really are.

The thought of you that is unable to cry because your eyes are all dried up from all the tragic things happened and yet you can't do anything even if you wanted. It is a shame that you can but you can't because reality ask for more than what you have. It felt like you were being pathetic in your own way because of the reality that keeps on dragging you down.

Sometimes, it's hard to feel the feelings you are not use to but you have to be use to. If hating is a hobby then loving is something you should learn in the hard way. If helping is part of your life then hurting is a hard task for you to do.

Honestly, right now I wanted tears but it's just not making its way to fall.

Fairy-tale

It's been quite a while...
Everything changes from being a princess back to being Cinderella.
The truth is, Forever is an image of the perfect lie.
Forever is one of the foolish thing to believe in.

Makes sense in believing.
Make sense in knowing which one is the best path to take.
I don't know.
I guess I just go with the flow.

Challenges are getting harder.
Long are the days when it was all pleasant.
I think accepting would be the best thing to do.
I think I will just be hoping for another moment to happen.

Gone are the days when you said "I love you."
Replace by the voice that's full of anger.
I am mad too.
But you see, I am still holding a temper.

I am not comparing.
I am just being patient.
Because complaining is just a lazy attitude.
Do the work and the rest will follow.

I still hope.
That soon...
The one I need most...
Will be mine to have.